Firefighter-- Short Story

I can see her sitting by her twilight cooking fire, listless and alone. Her tarp, half-heartedly strung between two incongruent trees, would have her backpack carelessly stowed under it. I would walk into the clearing with my own pack and stand before her, illuminated by her fire. She'd look up at me, surprised, and then she would smile. Not her world-shattering, dizziness-inducing smile, but a greeting. I would be welcome. 

"Did you forget something?" she'd ask, guardedly. She would be afraid to have to say goodbye again. There had been too many endings too recently for her. 

I would walk around the fire, set my pack down beside hers and sit beside her before I spoke. "I came back for something, yes. But there was no forgetting." I would look at her steadily, I think, wanting her to sense my resolve. 

I would figure that she'd be a bit dulled by her grieving and stare unseeingly back at the fire, accepting my presence instead of questioning it. After a while, she would sigh, long and painful. I would inch closer and pull her into my arms. She wouldn't resist me. Her head would rest against my shoulder and I would hold her, breathing deeply to slow my racing heart.  

"Have you eaten anything?" I would ask her, eventually.  

She would murmur, "No." 

"I can make--" I would offer. 

She would shake her head and put her arm around my waist to keep me with her. "No, Paul." At this point she'd tilt her head back to look at me and I'd smile down at her. "Are you...staying?" she would ask, starting to comprehend. 

I see myself smoothing her hair, brightened to a fiery orange by the firelight, or stroking her cheek with my thumb. "Yes," I would reply.  

She'd sit upright, still in my embrace, still with her arm around me, but now her hand would be on my hip and I'd have to do more measured breathing to keep myself together. Her green-eyed stare would be hard to return, but I'd try, so she'd know I meant what I was about to say.  

"As long as you want me." I would swallow before clarifying. "To stay." I know I would start staring at her lips but it would be too soon to kiss her.  

Here's where it's all less clear. She could curl in closer and fall asleep in the safety of my arms. Or she might begin to cry, grateful for my friendship. There's the chance she might stand and pace, and begin to curse me, insisting I shouldn't be here, but knowing full well she needed me. And I know she did. But she had to love me, not just need me. For that, I figure I would have to wait. 

But I'd killed this dream. This beautiful scenario that I replayed far too often in my head was never going to happen, as close as it had been. I could have had it, but I gave it up for higher principles. I gave her up to a better man than I was. 

Now it was a forbidden game I'd been playing, for my own private torture. But every night when I closed my eyes, I was there, sitting by her fire.

Enough of this torment. I needed to find her.  

I needed her to prove to me that I was the only who tended the fire.

Originally posted on Wattpad